It's easy to misunderstand someone. I get that. I understand that words can be mixed, misspoken, or misinterpreted. I understand that it's hard to judge a person's reasonings. And their heart. And their intentions. I "get" that I even misrepresent myself sometimes. This journey that Josh and I are on is such a beautiful, but broken one. We're starting to see things differently. And it's been good.
I feel like I could hold in one hand the number of people who either "get" us, or at least venture to try. And Lord am I thankful for those people. It's them I can cry to. And yell at to take it out. And ramble. And explain my viewpoint. And try and hash out where Josh and I took some horrible misstep. I just can't comprehend how we decide to change our life a little, and take a step to where we feel God has called us, and 90% of the people we know suddenly think we're criminals. That we're throwing our lives away. That we've landed in this pool of sin and are drowning or something.
I'm just really hurt. I expected it from some, but not from many. I remember crying so many times a few months ago when we radically changed our lives. I told myself I was allowed to cry about it for one week. I thought things would die down then. They haven't. Now it just makes me angry. And sad. And feel like we're on an island. I'm just really broken. It's hard to watch your husband go through something like this, too. He doesn't deserve this. We don't deserve to be called in to question. I mean, I don't know, maybe we do. But call us in to question to our face. We'd love to have a conversation with you. And chances are, we may believe or perceive things toally different. But, let's talk about it. Let's see each other's viewpoints. Let's not exchange blows.
I can really see how people get disillusioned from church. I love the church. Lord knows it's one of my main passions. I get excited to hear about cool things going on. I love to hear Eric talk about house church. I get excited when I see an old friend and they tell me about a new gathering they go to and how it's enriching their life. I live for the beauty of community. I love to hear Steve talk about the mission he and his wife are on. There are so many movements around us that I can't wait to be a small part of.
I just don't see God in the way we've been treated a lot. I do see God, however, in how our parents love us and at least try to understand us. How our friends stick up for us. How being with friends (most who don't believe exactly like we do) reminds me of heaven. How watching Kristen and Craig unite their lives was such a more sacred worship service than I've been to in a while. I see God in a picture of a new baby (thanks, Tammy, for sharing. We can't wait to see Sam). I see him in so many places. But I search for him in the church so many times. He's not always readily available. I see God in my husband. Sure, our pursuit gets clouded sometimes by bad decisions and mixed words, but I see the man God created for me, striving to something holy, searching for what it looks like for our family, and not comprimising on our integrity at all. I'm pretty sure I'm going to see God tonight at the bowling alley with friends. And that's awesome (and I mean that in the true sense of the word – awe-inspiring – not the 90's word for "cool").
So, thank you to those who stand beside us all the time. You are our encouragement. Thanks to those who try to understand us most of the time. And, to those who think we're crazy, we may be, but our life has never been better. Our faith has never been stronger. And our commitment to faith and integrity has never been greater.
In a related topic, our beautiful friend Sharon posted something that was so beautiful a few days ago. I haven't been able to get it off my mind. It was such an awe-inspiring tribute. Thanks for letting us hear your heart, Sharon. Click here to read.
May 24, 2006 at 4:47 pm
i love you. but don’t worry about me. i’m not going through anything and it doesn’t bother me outside of me being mad for 5 seconds and wanting to knife people with my 1 inch pocket knife. then its gone. grace and patience is such a powerful alternative. one that is different than how most have been dealing with us. but keep your head held high. and don’t become what you hate. do not respond in kind. there are 2 postures we can take with our lives, exclusion or embrace. and only 1 is in the way of Jesus.
May 24, 2006 at 6:18 pm
Dearest Anna, how hard it is when we realize that some we thought were our closest friends, turn away when we become something we are meant to become. I have spent a lot of time in my life wondering what makes that happen. Is it that they are jealous, can’t handle that I am changing, what is it? I am always left with this… As difficult as it is, change is never without pain, but in the end usually ends up being worth it. You and Josh inspire Mike and I. On some level we are kindred spirits I believe. Please know that in the two of us you have found two people that no matter what, think you are amazing for taking this journey and we love to see where it is taking both of you each day. We are far away, but we are always in your hearts, believing in you.
May 24, 2006 at 7:19 pm
I just wanted you to know that I love you. We hadn’t talked about any of this and I feel like a horrible friend for not knowing what is going on in your life. I’m just glad you have Josh.
I hope you know I may not fully get it, but I’m trying to understand it all. I hope things get better for you. I hate that you are feeling this way. Love you!
May 24, 2006 at 10:30 pm
…and thank you for your heart anna, it radiates. i cannot express how much i admire the two of you. and as elton john would say, “i thank the Lord there’s people out there like you…”
May 25, 2006 at 1:59 am
I love you both! And I’m here for you if you need anything. I know we’re not the best of friends, but I do value the friendship that we do have and I want you to know that I’m only a phone call away if you should need me.
May 25, 2006 at 7:04 am
I know I’ve said it before…but we have NEVER been more proud of you, and of Josh, than we are right now. And it goes beyond just that parental thing where we’re “obligated” to be proud, or we’re just “supposed to” love you unconditionally. As we said to you as you graduated from high school – we are so proud of you and the beautiful woman you’ve become, inside and out – you’re our hero, and we’d want to hang out with you even if you weren’t our kid! Here’s to following that still, small voice in your hearts – and even the voice that is sometimes louder and more insistent – and to staying true to yourselves at every turn and every step of the way, no matter who or what tries to rain on your beautiful parade. And remember to use these times to revisit your perspective and be sure you’re maintaining a proper one in it all – because perspective is everything.
We love Anna and Josh Brown!
“Peppy” and “Papa” (no, really – we’ve GOT to work on these names!)
May 25, 2006 at 4:34 pm
[...] Her post from yesterday says things much better and much nicer than I would probably say them. So check out her post here. No Comments so far Leave a comment RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI Leave a comment Line and paragraph breaks automatic, e-mail address never displayed, HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong> [...]
May 26, 2006 at 3:10 am
Woah, so many people love you like crazy and I would feel like copycat if I said the same thing….but I DONT CARE I FREAKING LOVE YOU SISTA FROM ANOTHER MISTA. Your so sweet in the way you word things. It makes people realize how much just a few wrong words or small actions can affect our thing that makes us shine. But you are the best shiner I know and if you dont continue to shine and be joyful I’ll make like a “school teacher and whop yo ….” that’s a line from Jerry Mcguire. It has a curse word in it and we all know that only Satin says curse words. Anyways, love you lady.
June 1, 2006 at 11:43 pm
my husband and i made the decision to walk away from a church we did not feel was showing the love of christ . . . we were churchless for about a year and a half before settling where we are now (and we LOVE our community that we have found!) for a while we even met in our living room with a few friends for church (it was beautiful) . . . has anyone from the church we walked away from called us or made an effort to “bring the sheep back into the fold”? nope. only one family has even made the effort to spend time with us when we’ve called them. and they left the church for a while too . . . so they understand.
everyone else . . . it’s like we were wiped from their memory.
sorry to type so much without even an introduction. i just suddenly felt the need to put these words on your page. i linked over from your husband’s page.
you two are inspiring!
June 6, 2006 at 1:31 am
Anna Banana… We love you and Josh, and are always here for you – don’t ever mistake that! You are always in our thoughts and prayers! Can’t wait for you to meed Sam either!!! He’s growing like a weed!
Love you!!!
June 6, 2006 at 1:32 am
Anna Banana… We love you and Josh, and are always here for you! You are always in our thoughts and prayers! Can’t wait for you to meed Sam either!!! He’s growing like a weed!
Love you!!!